Stand Still
A woman and her lover are in bed together when her husband comes home unexpectedly. The woman jumps up, shoves the guy in a corner of the bedroom, rubs him down in baby oil and covers him in talcum powder.
"Stand still and don't move! You're a statue!"
The husband comes up to the bedroom and inquires about the new decoration. The wife explains that the Smith family next door acquired a statue for their bedroom recently, and if they could get one, so could she.
After dinner and watching a movie on TV, the husband and wife go to bed for the night.
At midnight, the husband wakes, goes downstairs and returns with a glass of milk and a plate of cookies. He hands the snack to the statue and says, "This is for you. I stood around for three days at the Smiths', and they never fed me a thing!"