A Georgia redneck buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, and pork chops. After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant, so he calls a vet for help.
The vet tells the redneck
that he should try artificial insemination.
The redneck doesn't have the slightest idea what this
means but, not
wanting to display his ignorance, he only asks the
vet how he will
know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him
that they will
stop standing around and will instead, lay down and
wallow in the
mud when they are pregnant.
The redneck hangs up and gives it some thought. He
comes to the
conclusion that artificial insemination means HE has
the pigs. So he loads the pigs into his truck,
drives them out into
the woods, has sex with them all. Then he brings
them back and goes
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the
that they are all still standing around, he
concludes that the first
try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again.
He drives them
out to the woods, does each pig twice for good
measure, brings them
back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just
One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load
them up and
drives them out to the woods. He spends all day with
the pigs and,
upon returning home, he collapses into bed.
The next morning, the redneck can't even raise himself from
the bed to look
at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out the window and tell
him if the pigs
are standing around or laying in the mud.
"Neither," says the wife, "they're all in the truck and one of them is honking