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Slyib's Joke Vault

Category: Redneck Jokes

Macon Bacon

A Georgia redneck buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, and pork chops. After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant, so he calls a vet for help.

The vet tells the redneck that he should try artificial insemination.

The redneck doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, he only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead, lay down and wallow in the mud when they are pregnant.

The redneck hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means HE has to impregnate the pigs. So he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all. Then he brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, does each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drives them out to the woods. He spends all day with the pigs and, upon returning home, he collapses into bed.

The next morning, the redneck can't even raise himself from the bed to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out the window and tell him if the pigs are standing around or laying in the mud.

"Neither," says the wife, "they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn."

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