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Category: Government Jokes

Military Retirement

Due to budget cutbacks, The U.S. Army decided they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus.

They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on his or her body. Each officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes.

He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hand to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly staff sergeant who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my Johnson to my family jewels.'

It was suggested by the retirement board that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the big bonuses the previous two officers had received. But the old staff sergeant insisted and signed his irrevocable consent form for the retirement bonus. The Army sent the staff sergeant to a Medical Officer at Walter Reed Hospital for the official measurement.

The day of the measuring arrived. The staff sergeant was led by a nurse to a private office and instructed by the medical officer to 'drop 'em,' which he did.

The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the staff sergeant's Johnson and began to work back.

"That's odd," he said in puzzlement, "where are your testicles?"

The old staff sergeant calmly replied, "Iraq."


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