Sick Leave
Smart-Alec Employee: "I'm sorry but I can't come in to work today. I'm sick."
Suspicious Boss: "Really? This is the third time this month. What does your doctor say?"
Smart-Alec Employee: "He's afraid I have anal glaucoma!"
Suspicious Boss: "Anal glaucoma? What's that?"
Smart-Alec Employee: "It's when I just can't see my ass coming in to work today!"
Suspicious Boss: "I hear that, if left untreated, it can also result in posterior burns."
Smart-Alec Employee: "Huh? What do you mean?"
Suspicious Boss: "I mean that if I don't see you at your desk within the next 30 minutes, your ass is fired!"